BY YOLANDE CLARK-JACKSON
Have you ever felt like you're taking two steps forward and one step back in therapy? You've been doing the work. You’ve been consistent and are starting to say, "I'm right back where I started. Haven't I processed this already?"
How can you attend sessions consistently, practice the new communication techniques suggested, set boundaries with everyone in your life, but still find yourself responding to stress with the same old patterns you've been working so hard to change?
If you're wondering "Is therapy even working for me?" or "Why am I still struggling with these issues?", you're experiencing what therapists recognize as a normal part of the healing journey.
What Real Therapy Progress Looks Like: It's Not What Most People Expect
According to Dr. Christiana Awosan, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of Ibisanmi Relational Health in New York and New Jersey, this experience is not only common but expected in the therapeutic process.
"This back-and-forth is part of the healing process. It doesn't mean you're going backwards. It means you're human," explains Awosan, whose relational approach to therapy has helped countless individuals navigate their healing journeys.
She explains that when working with trauma, anxiety, relationship issues or family conflict, progress rarely follows a linear path. Instead, healing often resembles a spiral where you may revisit similar territory, but experience it from a different level of awareness each time.
Why We Return to Old Patterns Even During Effective Therapy
Even with the best therapeutic support, there's a powerful psychological principle at work that can make consistent progress challenging.
"When you're practicing new patterns, sometimes the old ones still show up," Dr. Awosan notes. "This is normal. We always want to go back to what we know or are familiar with to maintain the status quo. In the profession of marriage and family therapy, we call this homeostasis. It is a process of healing."
This concept of homeostasis explains why:
After making breakthrough insights in therapy, you might experience reluctance or doubt
During times of stress, old coping mechanisms often resurface
Family systems may unconsciously pull you back into familiar dynamics
New, healthier behaviors can initially feel uncomfortable or "wrong"
5 Signs You're Making Progress in Therapy (Even When It Doesn't Feel Like It)
If you're wondering whether therapy is actually working despite occasional setbacks, here are evidence-based indicators of genuine progress:
Increased self-awareness: You notice patterns more quickly and can identify triggers before they completely overwhelm you
Shorter recovery time: While you might still get triggered, you bounce back faster—what once derailed you for weeks might now impact you for just a day
Expanded response options: Rather than automatically reacting in your default way, you can pause and choose from multiple ways to respond
Growing self-compassion: You speak to yourself with more kindness when you stumble, understanding that setbacks aren't failures
Changed relationship dynamics: Others might comment that you seem different, or you notice shifts in how your relationships function
How a Relational Therapist Approaches the Non-Linear Healing Process
Dr. Awosan's approach as a Marriage and Family Therapist recognizes that healing doesn't happen in isolation. Our earliest wounds often occur in relationships, and our healing happens there too.
She adds, “Healing happens in layers.” She reminds that brain science and emotional research have proved that we don’t just “fix” emotional responses overnight. Instead, our brain and body learn emotional/mental safety and self-trust through repetition and gentle exposure over time.
"In relational therapy, we're not just addressing individual symptoms—we're examining patterns that have often been reinforced over decades in our connections with others," explains Dr. Awosan. "These patterns don't disappear overnight. Instead, we celebrate the small shifts that indicate deeper change is happening
She adds that people shouldn’t consider healing a destination but as evidence of clear signs of progress.
Recognizing an emotion instead of ignoring it – that’s healing!
Getting curious about why you’re anxious – that’s healing!
Choosing not to speak up this time, but noticing what you wish you’d said – that’s
healing!
Celebrating that you showed up differently—even if only in your mind – that’s
healing!
5 Practical Strategies for Navigating Therapy Setbacks
When you find yourself slipping into old patterns despite ongoing therapy work, the Ibisanmi Relational Health team recommends you:
Practice mindful observation rather than judgment of your setbacks
Document your progress, however small, to recognize patterns over time
Communicate openly with your therapist about feelings of regression
Remember that healing isn't linear and that temporary setbacks are part of long-term progress
Trust the process, stick with it and trust your capacity for growth, even when it feels slow
Moving Forward on Your Healing Path
Remember Dr. Awosan's wisdom about the natural ebb and flow of therapeutic progress. Each time you spiral back to familiar territory, you're doing so with new insights, skills and strengths.
The goal isn't about reaching some mythical destination where you never struggle again, it's about developing resilience and a healthier relationship with yourself and others along the way.
If you're currently feeling stuck in your healing journey or wondering if therapy is working for you, remember: this moment of doubt may itself be part of the process, not evidence of failure. With compassionate therapeutic support, each turn of the spiral brings you closer to the authentic, resilient self you're working to become. Don’t give up. It’s working.
And, be sure to follow on IG at @ibisanmi.relational for mental health check ins and inspirational posts.
Dr. Christiana Ibilola Awosan is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relational approaches to healing trauma, anxiety and improving family dynamics. Through her practice at Ibisanmi Relational Health, she helps clients navigate the complex, non-linear journey of personal growth and healing.
