How to lean into summertime to finally slow down and listen to yourself
By Yolande Clark-Jackson
Summertime marks the break of structured routines and turns everyone’s mind toward vacation. But despite the quiet the warmer days bring, the air can also feel emotionally louder for the same reason.
It’s the irony of summer. On one hand, it’s supposed to be restful and signals a permission to be more carefree, but for many it can feel heavy and harder to face than busier seasons.
Routines fill the day and the mind which leaves less time for dealing with the things circling in the clouds of concern, but less routine = fewer buffers. Fewer buffers means you’re left with facing the emotional baggage you’ve been filling when you couldn’t slow down.
Why summer can feel emotionally louder
Routine plays a big role in emotional regulation. According to research by The National Library of Medicine, routines help us stabilize our mood. Predictability helps us neurologically and emotionally, but when structure disappears, the “vacation blues” arrives.
This is especially true for high performing people. When they finally have a moment to relax and reflect, they find they are not as happy as they were busy. Downtime lets other things they had buried beneath their to-do list rise to the surface.
What tends to surface
When we reflect, our mind and our bodies can finally have the time to express itself and sometimes long-standing and negative thought patterns related to shame or lack of worthiness begin to float into view.
Here is a list of a few things that tend to show up:
Relationship tensions
Feelings of Loneliness
Grief reminders
Body image issues (thank “swimsuit season”)
Comparisons from scrolling on social media
Complex emotions connected to transitions (kids home, job changes, end of school year)
What if you saw it as an invitation?
Summertime is still a time to look forward to, but if you’re someone who is not used to having downtime, you may need a reframe and the tools to make slowing down work for you.
Here’s a reframe: “The discomfort isn’t a problem, it’s a signal.”
Emotional awareness means learning to hear those signals of discomfort without panic.
Christiana Awosan of Ibisanmi Relational Health, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Ibisanmi Relational Health notes that emotional awareness is a critical step toward building the tools that will aid in healing and will help you get the most out of life and relationships.
Tips on how to listen to yourself
Release judgement. While reflection means taking the time to assess and analyze our experiences, thoughts, and emotions. Listening is more about observing without attachment. Once you listen then you can reflect on the signal. The reflection process can allow us to sit in gratitude for the people and experiences in our lives and see how far we have come. As a result, we can gain self-awareness and promote personal growth, allowing us to make more informed decisions and set more meaningful goals in the future instead.
Seek clarity not a solution. Sometimes we think every thought needs to be met with an action. Every thought is not a problem to solve, but by reflecting, we gain clarity and focus. We can better understand our strengths and weaknesses, identify patterns, and determine what truly matters to us. With this introspective knowledge, we can set more realistic and achievable goals that align with our values and priorities.
Remember listening is a continuous process. By making listening to yourself a more intentional process, reflection becomes a less scary practice. Reflection also improves our overall well-being. It reduces stress and anxiety by helping us process and make meaning out of past experiences. Awosan adds that reflection also “allows us to slow down to not only imagine possible solutions, it allows us to envision alternative ways to relate to our goals and visions.”
Moreover, reflection fosters a positive mindset and self-compassion, as we learn to acknowledge our growth and celebrate our successes, regardless of whether they align with a particular timeline or season.
How therapy supports the “summer unraveling”
With a licensed therapist, you can have a partner in holding space for what emerges this summer. A therapist can help you build your emotional vocabulary and work with you to develop tools for unstructured time so you can process your emotions before the fall “reset” happens.
Summer is just a season. What you learn about yourself in it can last a lifetime.
If you or your loved one could benefit from individual, couples or family therapy this summer, book a free consultation with one of our culturally affirming therapists. Click here to get started.
