Not Starting Over, Starting With You: How to redefine the new year on your terms
By Yolande Clark-Jackson
If you’re feeling the December pressure to become a completely different person by January 1st, you’re not alone. Many people searching for ‘therapy near me’ in Brooklyn, New Jersey, or Long Island this time of year feel overwhelmed by the idea of ‘starting over.’
As a culturally affirming therapy practice serving the NY/NJ area, we work with clients who are exhausted by this narrative of “New Year. New You.” It gives many people new year anxiety instead of inspiration.
And maybe the new year isn’t about joining the gym, starting over, or giving into the pressure to change. Maybe it’s about going deeper to see what parts of you are worth leaning into more. Ibisanmi Relational Health therapists want you to know you are enough. We are redefining what therapy in places like Harlem can look like when it’s not about change but about awareness.
Why ‘Starting Over’ Doesn’t Work
People see New Year’s Eve as the night before their life completely changed, but the truth is starting over with a list of wishes won’t make them come true.
The biggest reasons why New Year’s resolutions fail:
Not specific to the individual person’s lifestyle or limitations
Lack strategy or plan for sustainable change
Too unrealistic to meet in one year
Some alternatives to New Year’s resolutions:
Plan for one sustainable change in habit that will help you better reach your goals
Consider therapy for self-acceptance and schedule a session in the first month of the year
Avoid falling prey to cultural pressures around success and achievement that diverse communities face without adequate support or resources
What ‘Starting With You’ Means in Therapy
At IRH, our relational therapy approach centers on one core belief: you don’t need to be rebuilt. You need to be understood. For many of our clients seeking culturally responsive therapy in NY/NJ, this reframe is transformative because we know what progress looks like.
We work with South Asian professionals navigating family expectations, first-generation immigrants balancing two worlds, and BIPOC clients processing the exhaustion of code-switching in spaces that weren’t built for them. Our therapists understand that your cultural background is core to who you are.
Honoring Your Cultural Context
Culturally affirming therapy means your therapist gets why you can’t just “set boundaries” with your family without considering what that means in your culture. It means understanding that mental health stigma in many communities is rooted in historical trauma and valid mistrust of unfair and predatory systems.
When you work with a therapist who understands your cultural background, you don’t have to spend half your session explaining context. You can get straight to the work.
Small Steps That Honor Who and Where You Are
Instead of ambitious resolutions, try these practices:
Self-compassion check-ins. When you catch yourself in harsh self-talk this month, pause and ask: “Would I say this to a friend?” Self-compassion in therapy isn’t about letting yourself off the hook—it’s about talking to yourself like someone who deserves kindness.
Cultural identity reflection. What parts of my cultural background do I want to carry forward? What expectations am I holding that aren’t actually mine? Where do I feel most like myself?
Relationship check-ins. Once a week, ask your partner or close friend: “What’s one thing I did this week that made you feel seen?” Improving relationships without starting over means building on what’s already there.
Year-end reflection that’s honest. What did I survive this year? What brought me unexpected joy? When did I show up for myself? These mental health practices for December honor the full reality of your year.
When to Consider Therapy
Considering therapy may be the last thing you feel you need, but it may be more necessary than you think.
Here are some signs you need therapy:
You’re feeling disconnected from your partner and the distance is growing.
You’re managing family expectations during holidays, and it’s affecting your mental health.
You’re navigating identity and belonging and feeling caught between worlds.
You’re experiencing anxiety about life transitions and the “figure it out yourself” approach isn’t working.
Whether you’re dealing with therapy for relationship issues, planning a wedding, dealing with anxiety, or cultural identity struggles, one of our licensed therapists can help. When to see a therapist isn’t always about crisis, sometimes it’s about choosing to invest in yourself before things break.
Ready to Start With You?
If you’re in NY/NJ and are looking for a therapist who understands what it’s like to want to start over but you don’t know where to begin, then maybe starting over is not what you need. Maybe leaning into what makes you “you” is better.
Our therapists in New York and throughout New Jersey specialize in working with BIPOC individuals, first-generation professionals, and anyone navigating the complexity of multiple identities.
Schedule a free consultation to see if we’re the right fit.
Call: (917) 310-2662 | Book online
